I have done quite a bit I feel today lately in regards to my site. It's why I haven't been focusing on writing journal entries. Now my journal/diary entries are all changed and just seem to fit my current theme now. Aside that, I am going to be making a 'micro diary' page for just me to spit out random small paragraphs, while these will be more concise thoughts. I plan to work on my Higurashi and Fatal Frame shrines next, as well as make more art. I also would love to talk a bit more about my craft and spirituality. I am Hellenic Pagan, and the deities I worship are Hekate, Persephone, Hades and Aphrodite. I have been slacking on offerings and even tarot reading lately due to my health. But I am going to try really hard t oget back into it when my CFS flares will stop being so ass.
I'd love to make video vlogs too on here, not really post them to youtube or anything, but just on here, as a personal thing. I've always wanted to do that, but I never had the confidence to do so, nd I felt like it had to look a certain way, thanks to all the garbage we get fed on social media. People posting only what they want others to see, so everything feels artificial. I love when people just post vlogs of themselves, no filters, nothing special, just full raw emotions. Talking about their day, taking you with you through their actual day. Taking meds, eating, whatever it is. It makes them feel alive and not like robots.
I'd absolutely love to get an old video recorder to film my vlogs, I think it would be cool instead of using a phone like most do. Maybe one day. Another thing about me that people find confusing I feel, is that while I am pagan, I do love religious imagery. Whether it be catholic or southern christian/baptist. The reason? I was raised as one. Was it a good experience? If you think being told every waking moment as a child that you are going to hell if you don't do: 'this or that', as a wonderful experience, then sure. I think for me, it is a trauma response. I love the religious imagery, but I absolutely loathe the teachings I, and many others, were forced through. The verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse defined and done under "the guise of God's love". That is no love in my opinion. Yet I find myself wanting to get rosaries, depictions of mary or angelic beings. Not because I worship them, but I think because I am an adult now, and I can tell the difference between something I like for the simple 'aesthetic' or soemthing I use as a way to 'cope' with the trauma. And not "oh you have a cross in your home? you must be -insert whatever religion here-
My views are very... Odd I feel, and I often feel I can't express them, but here, I don't feel so scared, knowing I have this place now, a place where I can spew all my vices into a void. Whether people read it or not. I at least don't have to shoulder that burden any longer.